Ruined (The Seraphim Series Book 1) Read online

  The conversation died as Lilliah rounded the corner.

  “Sorry. I can come back.” She tried slowly backing away from the now silent room, a little embarrassed as both men turned to look at her.

  “No, Lilliah. I’m just about to leave,” Benedict lied politely, already making his way to the door. “We’ll talk later.” He nodded to Azrael before leaving.

  “I didn’t mean to just walk in,” Lilliah tried to defend. “I didn’t know it was a private conversation.” But a closed door would have helped, she silently added.

  “It wasn’t private.” Azrael smirked. “I’ve been chasing some leads about your mother. Still nothing.” He sighed at Lilliah’s hopeful expression. “Benedict thinks we shouldn’t talk about your mother in front of you. He thinks it might be too hard for you to hear.”

  “I’d guessed,” Lilliah shared, still awkwardly standing in the doorway. She’d been trying to pick Benedict’s brain on magic, vampires, and werewolves, and he’d answered a few of her questions, albeit begrudgingly. “I’ve been doing my own research, did you know?” she shared, holding up the papers in her hands.

  Azrael’s head shot up in surprise. “Your own research?” he asked slowly. “On what?”

  She walked up to his desk and laid out the missing persons reports in front of him.

  “I think these are magically related disappearances. I was wondering whether we could look into them. They could give us some leads into finding Mum.”

  Azrael sat forward, his eyes scanning the papers. “The first three are vampire attacks. The last two are werewolves.”

  “Oh.” Lilliah frowned at his quickness. “So I'm right? How did you know?”

  “I can just tell by the nature of the attack.” He turned to look at her, smiling slightly. “I had no idea you were doing all this.”

  “Yeah, it's turned into a bit of a project for me.” She shared, “I think Seb needs one. He's slowly going crazy.”

  “Crazy?” Azrael repeated.

  “Yeah, like cabin fever.” She giggled.

  “I hadn't realised staying in the house was so bad.”He frowned, refusing to let the conversation drop. “I want you to enjoy your time here, not feel like prisoners.”

  “We don't. We just feel like we're sitting around here all day not doing anything while our mum is being held hostage somewhere.” As much as she fought about it with Sebastian, Lilliah really did want to do more. She wanted to be active and do something to help find her mother.

  “I've been in talks with a lot of people about your mother.”

  “Oh, I know you have,” she agreed quickly. She didn’t want him to think she thought he wasn’t doing anything. She knew how hard he was trying.

  “We don’t think it was just the vampires that took her,” Azrael shared. “I haven’t been talking to you about this because I didn’t want to worry you. Had I known that you were doing all this,” he said, pointing to the desk, “I would have told you sooner.”

  “You didn’t want me to worry?” Lilliah repeated, bewildered. “How could I not worry? That's all I’ve been doing since the day she was taken.”

  “Well, yes. I see that now.”

  In that moment, Lilliah realised how alone Azrael really was. He had no idea of the bonds families had, and he clearly didn’t understand the deep love they shared. But then again, how could he when he'd never had his own family?

  “You really don't understand families, do you?” she voiced out loud.

  “I’ve never worried about anyone,” he told her honestly, unashamed. “I’ve never had to.”

  “Wow. Sounds lonely. What about when you were fighting?” Surely there must have been someone he’d cared about?

  “I fought for my own gain.” He sat back, stretching his arms out. “I was too busy worrying about myself and what I wanted rather than the safety of the people I was fighting with. Angels’ relationships are very different to those of humans. There are relationships and friendships but no real, deep feelings.”

  “That sounds so sad.” She watched him, his position and his stance; it all screamed power, but now all Lilliah could see was loneliness.

  “When you’ve never had it, you never miss it. It was a big change when we fell. All these emotions and feelings that none of us were prepared for; it was enough to send some of us mad.”

  “Ha, crazy with love?” She snickered at her silly joke.

  “Something like that,” he replied, unable to stop his own laugh. “How about we go for a swim?” he asked with a glint in his eye.

  “Me and you?” For a second, she was unable to process the concept of her and Azrael being in a pool together, half naked. Was she dreaming again?

  “Well, I’m not going to make you swim alone, am I?” He smiled, clearly enjoying her discomfort. “I want you to have fun and smile. Not be bored and working all day. Go get your stuff. I’ll meet you in the pool.”

  Lilliah walked like a zombie to the pool house, her heart banging furiously in her chest. Holding her towel tightly around her, she started second guessing her two-piece bikini. She had spent ten minutes trying different ones on, not realising she had so many in the drawer. She wanted to look sexy and grown up, but not like she was trying too hard. And she didn’t want to show too much skin; one of the bikinis had barely covered her, and she was certain it would have disintegrated when she stepped in the water. Finally, she had settled on a simple, black, halter-neck two-piece. Unlike a lot of the things in that drawer, it looked like something she would have bought for herself.

  Finally rounding the corner, Lilliah's heart missed a beat when she saw Azrael swimming lengths in the Olympic-sized pool. She stood for a moment, admiring how he flew through the water, his powerful arms pushing his body as fast as any Olympic swimmer. She squinted, trying to get a better look. His back was covered in dark markings, almost like tattoos. Dark but delicate marks covered the length of his back and the tops of his arms. They were beautiful and powerful at the same time, a lot like Azrael.

  He stopped at the end of the pool, pushing his hair back and away from his eyes, the water making his already dark hair that much darker. “I thought I’d have to send a search party for you,” he teased, moving to stand in the waist-high water, his perfectly chiselled abs on full display.

  “Oh, dear Lord,” Lilliah muttered. Was there anything on this man that wasn’t perfect?

  “What?” he asked, bringing Lilliah back to reality.

  “Nothing,” she quickly replied, walking over to put her towel by the pool’s edge. “I couldn’t find any bikinis,” she easily lied. She could feel his eyes on her as she carefully walked to the water, trying not to slip. “I’m surprised whoever got all these clothes even thought of getting a bikini,” she rushed out. When she got nervous, she talked, and she was nervous.

  “I told Dena to get you things for any occasion.”

  Lilliah stopped when she heard Dena’s name. All the new clothes in her wardrobe suddenly didn’t look so appealing.

  “Dena was the one who brought us all those clothes?” she asked, ducking her body in the water until she was neck deep. She kept a safe distance from Azrael.

  “Yes,” he said, watching her face carefully. “She’s the only woman who works closely with me. I didn’t think Benedict or I would be particularly useful in picking out clothes for two teenage girls. Why does that bother you?”

  “It doesn’t,” she quickly replied, already swimming away from Azrael.

  She didn’t like Dena. She didn’t know why. She just didn’t. Maybe it was because she was a vampire and vampires had taken her mother?

  You know that’s not why! a little voiced taunted her from the back of her mind. It was because she knew Dena liked Azrael. She just couldn’t tell him that, so instead, she acted dumb.

  “I can tell it bothers you.” She could hear Azrael laugh from behind her.

  She didn’t reply and just concentrated on swimming. Then she felt a large hand grab her ankle. It star
ted to drag her backwards.

  “What the hell?” she sputtered, choking on the water. “What was that for?”

  “What’s wrong?” He smirked that wicked smile that she just hated, yet loved at the same time.

  “I just don't like Dena,” Lilliah shared honestly, trying not to give anything away.

  “Why?” he pressed, still smirking.

  “I don't know,” she lied. “I just get the creeps around her.”

  “How many times have you met her?”

  “I don't know, twice.” She tried to kick away, getting uncomfortable. Why wasn’t he letting this drop? What was the story behind Azrael and Dena? “I don't think she likes me any more than I like her, so we're even. How long have you two known each other?” she finally broached, trying to act vaguely interested as though she were just making conversation, when in actual fact, she was dying to hear his next words.

  “About fifty years or so.”

  Fifty years. Fifty years is a long time, Lilliah thought. It definitely classified as history, and she was definitely jealous. She wanted to know more but decided to change the subject instead. She wanted to enjoy the time she was spending with him, and not obsess about his possible ex.

  “Are you a good swimmer?” she asked, kicking away from him so she was floating on her back.

  “Yes.”

  “Well, this might actually be the one thing I can beat you at,” she told him proudly.

  “Can you now?” He smiled, slowly lowering himself into the water. “Why do you think that?”

  “Because I’m an amazing swimmer. I could totally beat you if you don't use your super-fast powers.” There weren’t many things in her life that Lilliah felt this confident about, but swimming was one of them. “I was on my old school’s swim team, and I’ve never lost a race.”

  “Well, I’ve never lost at anything. Come on.”

  Lilliah swam slowly down the pool towards a waiting Azrael, who was already standing at the shallow end.

  “What's the prize?” he asked when she got closer.

  “Prize?” she repeated, confused. “Beating you is enough for me. Why, what do you want?”

  “You really think you’re going to beat me, huh?” he asked smiling widely. “Okay then. Whoever loses has to cook the other person dinner.”

  “Dinner?” She laughed. “You really haven’t tried my cooking, because if you had, you'd know it’s no prize.”

  “Well, I’ll be the judge of that.”

  “Okay, but don’t say I didn’t warn you. Just don't cheat!” Getting ready, Lilliah spied him out the corner of her eye. His eyes were straight ahead, determined, and focused.

  “I won't,” he promised.

  “Ready, set, go.”

  They both sprang from the wall, water flying everywhere as both their arms cut through the water. She didn’t know where Azrael was, if she was ahead or losing, but she pushed as fast and as hard as she could until she felt the end with her hand and she lifted up her head. Azrael was staring down at her, looking smug.

  “You beat me?” she asked disbelievingly. She’d never lost at swimming.

  “Just,” he told her. “I’ve been swimming for centuries, and you nearly beat me. And I wasn’t holding back.”

  “But I still lost,” she pointed out, still dismayed. “This is the first race I’ve lost.”

  “Well, there’s no one here. Your secret’s safe with me.”

  “The joke’s actually on you.” She smiled smugly. “Because now you’re going to have to try my cooking. I wasn’t lying when I said I can't cook.”

  “I'll cook then. It’s something I really enjoy.”

  “Oh, let me guess, another thing you just happen to be amazing at?” She rolled her eyes. “Is there anything you’re bad at?”

  “Singing,” he answered back without a second’s hesitation.

  “I can't sing either,” Lilliah shared, letting go of the side to tread water. “But I can't imagine you cooking. You don't look like the type of guy who cooks.”

  “What type of man cooks?” He raised his eyebrows.

  “I was about to say an older man, but I guess you can't get older than you,” she joked. “Even if you do only look twenty-eight. What else do you like doing?”

  “You already know I like driving.”

  She nodded, remembering their conversation in the car.

  “Yeah, I remember when the first car came out. It’s the only thing that comes close to flying.”

  “Did you really have wings?” she squealed, forgetting she was in the water and sinking.

  “Be careful.” He scowled softly, dragging her up by her arm.

  “Did you actually have wings?” she asked again, still coughing from the water. Pictures of Azrael with perfect white wings, and shirtless, filled her mind. Was there anything better?

  “Yes, we all had wings. Losing them was like losing an arm or a leg. It was the strangest thing at first.”

  “I can imagine.” All Lilliah could do was imagine because she didn’t remember having hers, never mind losing them. Unless she classed her falling dream as memory, which she didn’t. “What do your markings mean? On your back?” She had to physically stop herself from running her hands over them.

  “They’re warrior’s markings.” He looked down to where they just peeked over his shoulder. “Back when I was up there, I was head of the army. The darker and larger the markings are, the better the warrior.”

  “That’s amazing.” She was in complete awe. Even after all her reading and research, there was still so much she didn’t know about Heaven, although she wasn’t really surprised by this. “You must have been good. They’re really dark.”

  “I was the best,” he said without hesitation or embarrassment.

  “That was very big headed.” She laughed, splashing water at him.

  “Well, it's the truth.” He shrugged. “Are you cold?”

  Lilliah was freezing, but she didn’t want to get out. She liked this one-on-one time with Azrael, with no one around, when she could actually get to know him.

  “No.”

  “You’re lying again.” He grabbed her arm and pulled her closer. “You really are a bad liar,” he whispered once she was close.

  “I’m not lying,” she whispered back, her heart doing flips in her chest. She loved him being this close, their skin touching under the water and him still holding her hand.

  “I repeat. You’re a terrible liar.” He pulled her to him, crashing his lips on hers. “I’ve wanted to do that all day,” he whispered against her lips.

  “Then you should have come and found me sooner.” She giggled back, locking her arms around his neck.

  “I wanted to,” he shared, pulling her away from the side but still managing to keep them both above water. “But if I came to find you every time I wanted to, I’d get nothing done.”

  “I wouldn’t mind.” She nodded her head seriously. “Sometimes I want to come and find you just so I can talk to you about nothing.” She looked away, a little embarrassed by her confession. “But I don’t. I know you’re busy.”

  “It seems lately everything I’ve been doing is because of you. Every action, every thought has been with you in mind.”

  “Am I that much of a pain in the ass?” she asked, only half serious.

  “No.” He gave her a quick squeeze. “You’re anything but a pain. You’ve given everything I do meaning.”

  “What do you mean?” She entwined her fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck, basking in the feeling.

  “Everything I did before you has been empty, meaningless. But now?” He pursed his lips for a moment. “Now everything I do is for you. So I know you’re safe. So I know you’re happy.”

  Lilliah couldn’t speak; she didn’t have the right words, so instead of speaking, she pulled his face down to hers, pouring all her feelings into the kiss, hoping he understood.

  Their relationship had been in a strange place, a place where she didn’t
understand where they stood. She didn’t know whether what she was feeling was too much, and she didn’t know whether he felt the same way. Should she really be feeling this way after he had wanted to hurt her? But now, being with him here, she knew what she was feeling was right.

  They stayed in the pool for a little while longer, just enjoying the water and being close to each other.

  “Come on. We don't want you catching a cold,” Azrael said finally, gently pulling her to the steps.

  “No,” she protested. “Let’s just stay here a little while longer.”

  “You’re going to get a cold.” He scowled.

  Lilliah followed him out of the pool, not sure whether she was hiding her disappointment well.

  “Here.” He opened her towel and wrapped it tightly around her.

  “Do you ever get ill?” She pulled the fluffy fabric up higher.

  “No, never. Illness is a mortal thing.” She watched him as he wrapped a towel around his own waist, leaving his chest bared to her hungry eyes.

  “Wow, that's really amazing,” she said, not really sure whether she was talking about the lack of illness or his abs.

  “It’s definitely a plus. But there are downsides,” he told her, folding his arms and leaning against the wall.

  “Really?” She raised her eyebrows sceptically. “Because from where I’m standing, there really doesn’t seem to be any.” Once again, she was not sure whether she was talking about his body or the lack of illness.

  “Being trapped out of your home? Unable to return? I’ve been the only one of my kind for centuries, staying the same while everyone else dies.”

  “Being one of a kind makes you unique,” she pointed out, an overwhelming sadness descending on her. “You must have been really lonely.”

  “Looking for you kept me pretty occupied. And now you’re here and I don't feel lonely at all.”

  Lilliah could actually feel her legs weakening. Why did he have to be this sweet?

  “I really can’t handle you being sweet,” she told him, her cheeks flaming red.

  “Really?” He laughed, pulling her into a strong hug. “You'd prefer I was still a dick to you?”